Heart of the World Nowhere to Run Scenario
by WestCoastTrees
Summary: This is what I would like to see happen in Nowhere to Run, because it's been a bloody long wait for the EClare talk. ONE SHOT.


**Hi lovely readers, **

**Here is a one shot of what I would like to see happen in Nowhere to Run, but certainly won't happen. **

**Also, I have been getting mean messages on twitter and tumblr and whenever I get one, I really want to stop writing and delete my account forever, so I would appreciate it if you don't leave me one of those. FYI: It's not gonna change my opinions, either. The best advice I have for you is..when I am reading/watching something I don't like I just stop/turn it off. Try it, it's really the perfect solution!**

**Please leave me a review sharing your thoughts with me!**

**Twitter:westcoasttrees1 Tumblr: westcoasttrees**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. **

"Damn it Clare," Jake muttered under his breath as he made sure not to trip over any tree roots as he made his way through the dark Ontario cottage country night. The flashlight that Drew was carrying as he was walking in front of Jake wasn't doing much good; the best that its weak batteries could do was simply to light the immediate path ahead of the three-boy search team.

"Just shut up and hurry up," Jake heard the third member say, the urgency and fright in his tone only overcome by the stoic strength that Jake hadn't exactly expected of Eli Goldsworthy in a moment of crisis. All that Jake had seen really, since his arrival at Degrassi, from Eli was…erratic behaviour and some moments that made Jake wonder how Eli…was allowed to go to a normal school and didn't have to be in some type of…institution. When he had first met Eli, Jake had wondered how Clare had managed to get involved with a boy like that, but ever since the end of 'Love Roulette' and the way in which Eli had helped him mend fences with Clare as they had the first argument of their relationship, Jake had been able to understand why Clare had liked Eli. It wasn't only because he was the only person Jake knew who genuinely liked to read as much as Clare did, but…he was kind, and dedicated, even Jake could see that he had loved Clare with a tenacity that Jake hadn't really seen before in anyone of their age.

So, in this moment, Jake figured that…he wasn't Eli's favourite person in the world. It was, after all, the direct result of the kiss that he had shared with Alli that Clare was somewhere out in the woods surrounding Lake Ontario. Jake knew that the area was relatively safe – the cottage community was dominated by families – but he knew that no matter what, they _had to _find Clare. There were coyotes in the area, and her spending the night all alone – outside – was simply not an option. Despite the fact that it was summer, the temperature dropped abruptly in the forest and she would get really sick undoubtedly. Not to mention, what would happen tomorrow when it was time to leave if they never found her?

_Ugh, Helen, yeah, she did end up at the cabin, but then she ran away into the woods, spent the night out there alone and I actually didn't bring her back you see…_

Jake shook that mental image out of his head, and speeded up his pace in order to keep up with Eli, who Jake reasoned that for a short dude, walked incredibly fast, pushing tree branches and jumping over shrubs with an agility that Jake also found remarkable considering how dark it was.

"Jake, are there any special spots or something on this campground that Clare likes?" he heard Eli ask urgently, "You said your families used to come here together when you were kids? Is there a playground or something that might have some special memories for her…somewhere she'd go?" Eli asked in desperation.

"I…don't know. I don't…I just, I don't know. There are no playgrounds or other amnesties around here, but I don't know if she has a special spot or anything," Jake answered, realizing that…he really didn't know Clare well, just like his dad had suggested to him. He didn't even think of such a possibility – of Clare going to a special spot – and…Eli clearly had, Jake reflected as he heard Eli's body collide with the ground all of a sudden.

"Woah, you all right man?" Jake heard Drew ask Eli as he saw Drew also help Eli stand up – Eli had tripped on a tree branch, something Jake reasoned happened because he wasn't really taking the proper time to watch where he was stepping.

"I'm fine," Eli said as he rose to his feet with Drew's help. Drew reset the flashlight in his hands after, in order to illuminate the path ever so slightly once more.

"Come on! Come on!" Eli assertively said when he saw Jake and Drew pause, frustrated that they had been here for what seemed like an eternity and they only seemed to be more lost than when they first began.

"Eli, dude, stay calm. I don't need a breakdown from you right now," Jake replied.

Eli turned around and faced Jake faster than a lightning strike. It was only as Drew's flashlight moved ever so slightly, radiating a circle of light among the three worried boys that Eli's gaze locked with Jake's and Jake could see for the first time that…Eli's eyes were shining with a watery film of tears.

"Don't you _dare_ tell me to calm down," Eli snarled as Jake looked down guiltily. "_Nothing _about this is okay – I have a right to be worried. I have a right to be…scared out of my mind right now. I…have a right to look for her, _if it's the last thing I do_. And if we don't…find her, looking for her _might very well be the last thing I do_," Eli said with an overwhelming honesty that caused Jake's heart to sink. Eli added, "But we _are_ finding her. And soon – it's only getting colder out here and she's been gone for so long already. So shut up and keep up," Eli finished, determination flowing from his every pore.

"Hey bro, we'll find her, come on," Drew said encouragingly, a little guilty that he couldn't help but wonder if Katie and Bianca were tearing each other's heads off back at the cabin right now. Drew couldn't believe that Bianca and Clare had driven up, and what's worse, that Clare Edwards – a girl he thought was a genius – had run out into the woods at midnight. Drew knew that his brother's best friend had history with Clare, and he understood why Eli was so obviously terrified right now – he remembered how he had felt when he had found out…the things Vince had threatened Bianca into doing.

Eli was right, Drew knew. They _had_ to find her.

However, that was a lot easier said than done. The campground territory was huge – and not delineated by any type of fence or anything of the sort; the only thing that represented some type of boundary was the campground gatehouse, which was no longer staffed at this late hour, and Clare could have easily gone past it into the woods that were not within the territory of the campground – just…out into the wilderness.

They tried everything . They called her name, they looked all around them, they were quiet in case she was wounded somewhere and they'd have to hear her cries for help, and with each passing minute Eli felt as if he was living in his worst nightmare. It was so dark – so, so dark – and he hated that; he wished that he had some sort of magic wand that could remove the darkness and bring light in its place – because that would make looking so much easier. But like this…Eli felt like he was fighting a battle that he couldn't win; the darkness was engulfing him and his cries for Clare greedily, it was blinding his sight…it was reducing him to a state of…complete powerless. Just…like the night that he stood outside that olive green hospital door, his mom's arms wrapped tightly around him as he cried and cried after the doctor had told him that…he had done everything he could but _the impact of the crash was just too severe. I'm sorry._ Eli could still hear the words ringing through his mind, and he felt warm tears finally fall down his cheeks when he realized just how long he had been looking for Clare, and…how large the forest was, and how tiny he was. He didn't have a car – although he'd need something along the lines of an ATV in these circumstances, he knew, and…the seconds and minutes seemed to be slipping through his fingers. _He was failing her. _

He was failing her again, he thought as he exhaled deeply. God, he had failed her time and time again, leaving her misplaced and hurt, and traumatized, and scared, but now…please, just this once. I won't bother her ever again, I'll do whatever it takes…just, please, we have to find her, Eli's mind pleaded to a God that he didn't believe in – the first time that his mind had ever thought such thoughts.

_I can't fail her again. Not again. Please…me instead. Take me instead. Not her. Take me instead. _

"Guys, maybe she's back at camp now or something," Drew suggested, also realizing how long they had been out at this point and the futility of the search.

"You think?" Jake asked doubtfully.

"They would have called! They would have called one of us – Katie or Bianca would have called your cell, Drew. Alli would have called you, Jake," Eli answered curtly, finding the implied suggestion that they give up the search absolutely ridiculous. Jake, for his own, flinched at the mention of his name and Alli's together – it was all a little messed up now, he thought, and he didn't know what he wanted any longer. For the moment, all he wanted was to find Clare and to make sure that she was safe.

"You're right," Jake softly said.

"You two go back if you want," Eli assertively said. "But let me keep the flashlight. I'm not going anywhere," Eli continued.

"Neither am I. Let's keep looking," Drew offered, and Jake simply nodded.

It was just ten minutes later that they came to a clearing and as Drew shone the flashlight across it, Jake heard Eli _burst out into sobs_ after he said,

"She's there! Thank you, thank you, thank you," Jake heard Eli say, muttering something that to Jake sounded a lot like a thank you to God, which only confused him more – if there was one boy out there that screamed atheist, it was definitely Eli Goldsworthy in Jake's mind.

But what confused Jake even more was that after all three boys ran at full speed to Clare's side and kneeled beside her, Eli made no attempt to pick her up or even talk to her – like Jake expected him to. He rather…let Jake take the lead, but his shaking shoulders and the way in which he raised his T-shirt to his face and wiped his eyes, obviously trying to get rid of his tears, hit Jake hard. He had seen Eli distraught before, but…seeing him like this, Jake saw the truth that he could no longer deny.

Eli loved Clare.

_Really_ and properly loved Clare, and what had happened tonight had just about killed Eli, Jake realized.

"Clare? Clare? It's me," Jake said as he slightly shook her as Drew studied her worriedly and Eli gained some form of control over the wild heaving of his chest.

Jake heard Eli sob again the second after Clare stirred, and this time, Eli stood up and turned completely around as Clare's eyes fluttered open and she said,

"I…Jake? Drew? I…tripped," she said confusedly.

"Her knee," everyone heard Eli softly, but assertively whisper as he stood a few steps away from her, his back turned to everyone and his entire body visibly shaking. His words made Jake and Drew realize that her knee was bleeding, something that Eli had obviously noticed at once.

"What happened Clare?" Drew asked as he gave her a warm look. Clare was, after all, one of his brother's closest friends, and Drew didn't like seeing her like this.

"I was just…I went for a walk to clear my head," Clare said as she slowly stood up, flinching away from the supportive hand that Jake stretched out as she flashed him a look of daggers now that her memories and senses were returning to her.

"And then I was getting a little spooked out, thought I heard someone out there, but I was wrong, and I just tripped over a tree branch. Guess…it took me out a little," Clare said, crying out in pain when she tried to place weight on her ankle in an attempt to fully stand up.

The sound made Eli turn around at once, and as Clare's eyes locked with his, she noticed that Eli's eyes were puffy, red, irritated, his entire face was blotchy, and his shirt had little wet spots on it. The sight broke her heart, because she knew exactly what had caused his worry.

"I'm okay," she meaningfully said at once, but as she gripped Drew's hand steadily and tried to take another step, she flinched again.

"You hurt your ankle," Jake said, moving to pick her up at once. As soon as he placed his hand on her lower back, Clare swatted it away in anger and said,

"Don't touch me! Get away from me, Jake. I…get away," making Jake back away ever so slightly.

"Clare, you're not in any condition to walk back," Jake pointed out. "We've been out here forever looking for you because you decided to run away. I'd appreciate it if just for once – you co-operated," Jake told her, the stress and exhaustion only now overcoming him.

"You get away from me," Clare stubbornly repeated as Drew began to feel…much too in the middle of things as he awkwardly held onto Clare's hand. However, she slowly let go of his hand and stabilized herself, although the way in which she was placing all of her weight on only one foot was making things clear for everyone.

"You don't even want me at your precious cabin," Clare muttered as she raised her hand to her temple.

She saw Eli widen his eyes at her gesture and she heard him speak directly to her for the first time, his tone the softest that she had ever heard it.

"Clare…try not to move too much. Your head hurts because you got up so fast and…I'm pretty sure you rolled your ankle," Eli told her. He continued, "Don't move. You don't have to move. We'll wait…as long as it takes, Clare. Until you want to go back," he said, empathy and warmth flooding his voice.

He hadn't said much. But those few words were more than they had exchanged in months, and they were…perfect.

"I…want to go back to the cabin," she softly whispered as she heard Jake exhale, which burst the bubble that Eli's warmth had created by reminding her of Jake's presence, putting her on the offensive at once.

"But not with you," Clare stung as she flashed Jake a look of pure dislike. "You – I can't be around right now," she continued, and she regretted that choice of words as soon as she saw Eli flinch and turn around at once.

"Yeah, well, you're the one who came up to _my_ cabin – that's not a choice so much anymore," Jake said bitterly.

"That cabin is now just as much my mom's as your dad's," Clare pointed out as Jake sighed again.

"Go away, Jake. Get away from me," Clare repeated.

"I have to make sure you get back safe," Jake pointed out.

"That's not your job!" Clare said in exasperation.

"I'm not leaving you out here alone," Jake insisted.

"Start walking, Jake," Clare shot bitterly. "And cool it," she added.

"God Clare! You _still _don't get it, do you?" Jake said, now very much frustrated. "You _ran away in the woods_, all alone at night. What if you ran into a coyote? Or had to spend the entire night in the cold? What if you couldn't find your way back before we all have to leave tomorrow morning? Or even worse, what if a group of those frat boys that are up before classes start found you and decided to have some fun with a pretty girl?" Jake asked, and Clare caught a glimpse of Eli's fists clenching at Jake's words as he stood completely turned around, his entire body shaking.

"I…I…" Clare faltered.

"We're going, right now," Jake said, moving towards her.

"Don't you dare touch me!" Clare yelled, the high pitch of her voice causing Drew to widen his eyes and wonder what on Earth they were supposed to do now. He couldn't believe that Clare seemed to want to stay here, out of all things, and he wondered how Jake and Eli could have _both_ put up with this kind of stubborn behaviour when they had dated her.

"Jake, dude, leave her alone," Drew softly said.

"And what do _you _suppose we do?" Jake asked Drew in frustration.

"I don't know, man, I just came along to make sure we find her, never thought she'd wanna stay out here," Drew confessed.

"I don't want to stay out here," Clare replied bitterly. "You two start walking. You found me. I'm okay," she continued as she saw Eli slowly turn back around.

"I'm walking back with Eli," Clare said assertively as she straightened out her now almost-brown, but originally-red hoodie.

"What?" Jake asked.

"I'm walking back with Eli. That is…" Clare trailed off for a second as she locked gazes with a very-surprised and incredulous Eli before she added, "…if he wants to walk with me".

Eli's response was instantaneous.

"Of course," he softly said.

"Whatever," Jake scoffed. "Eli, dude, keep her safe," Jake told Eli sternly.

"Oh, just get away already," Clare shot bitterly at Jake as she rolled her eyes at him.

"Oh by the way Clare," Jake added as he turned around after Drew and him had taken a few steps in the direction that would lead him back towards the cabin. "You're welcome," he added sarcastically.

Clare had sat down on a log that was just behind her and she saw Eli stand still, watching Jake and Drew walk away – the flashlight in Drew's hand getting dimmer and dimmer as their footsteps faded into the darkness. She pulled her knees up to her chest as she gained a little more balance on the log and she softly said,

"You can sit down next to me, you know," correctly interpreting that Eli…wasn't so sure if he would be permitted to do that.

She watched him slowly turn around and heard the few fallen leaves and several twigs crack under his black shoes as he walked over to the log and took a seat at a _very_ respectful distance away from her. The hesitancy on Eli's part as he did so deflated Clare quite a lot – she had clearly seen just what the events of the night had done to him, and her heart ached for him as none of it had been his fault.

And yet, he was still…suffering so, and Clare knew it. She wished it weren't so. She realized that she didn't want to see him suffer ever again – he had had so much more pain in seventeen years of life than most people had in an entire lifetime – and she hated herself for the day in which she had heartlessly tried to get a rise out of him by parading Jake around. And then…the remainder of the semester had clearly shown her just how tormented Eli was over everything that had happened between the two of them…and as she was sitting with him in the crisp night air, she shook her head, letting her deepest thoughts finally surface after months and months of trying to bury them as deep as possible.

_Are you happy now?_ She asked herself. _Are you happy with how things have come to be? _

"I'm okay, Eli," she whispered out, because something told her that he was worrying profusely.

She heard him deeply exhale as soon as she shared that with him, and she watched in pain as Eli shut his eyes tightly and said, "That's really good to hear, Clare. I'm just…I'm glad you're okay," and Clare wished he would look her in the eye.

Why couldn't he, she wondered.

"Eli…I'm sorry that I worried you," she continued.

"You don't have to apologize to me, Clare. It's okay. It doesn't matter," he said and Clare noticed the tension in his hands as his fingers curled into a fist as he added, "You're safe now. You're safe. You're not hurt. You're not alone. It's okay. That's all that matters," his distress obvious.

"I just…I wanted to get away for a bit," she said, her voice breaking. Eli noticed right away, and he turned to face her at once.

"I understand. Just wanted to be alone with your thoughts for a bit, talk it out with yourself and try to get everything straight," Eli kindly supplied with a nod, making Clare's heart swell at once.

_That's exactly right_, she thought.

She then watched Eli take his leather jacket off and he reached it out to her; he had noticed that she had started to shake and he wanted to place it around shoulders himself, but he thought that surely she wouldn't like that.

"You don't have to…" Clare hesitated. "You're shaking too," she pointed out, though something told her that Eli wasn't shaking because of the cold.

"I'm going to stop soon, trust me. I can't control it, but I do know it's gonna stop any second now," Eli said, knowing the way his body tended to process crisis moments very well by now, and unintentionally confirming Clare's belief that his shaking was a physical response to an emotional state.

"Take it, it'll help a little," Eli insisted, and he felt an electricity flow through his entire body when Clare's fingers touched his as she took the jacked from his outstretched hands and snuggled into it, being overwhelmed by its scent at once. It was…Eli's scent, infused with that of the leather, and it seemed to Clare that it had been an absolute eternity since she had smelled it; but in a split second, she was transported back to several cuddle moments that she had with Eli on the hood of Morty, and often the smell of leather as she leaned on his chest and buried her face in the crook of his neck would overtake her at once. Clare knew what was happening; months of denial were coming undone in light of what she had witnessed between Alli and Jake, and…she was scared. Here was Eli, standing right in front of her…but definitely not the same Eli that she had broken up with. It was plain as day that he was…a lot more well-adjusted now, the product of therapy and proper medication when necessary, Clare correctly guessed. Before school had let out for the summer and she would see Eli around the school and the time that he had…watched her and Jake exchange I-love-yous…Clare had also realized that Eli now seemed to be a lot more at peace with himself, and…she was a mess. And she knew it; it was even reflected in her physical state at the moment. She knew she had dirt all over her body; mud was all over her white shirt and red hoodie, and she was sure dirt and mud were also on her face. But Eli was looking at her like he could see right through her; like…she was not only the sole girl in the world, but…the only thing in the world.

"Thanks. I feel a lot warmer already," she gently told him, and when she saw him flash her an optimistic smirk in response she…had to look away. She couldn't believe just how much Eli was affecting her, and Jake and Alli had just happened…and it was all making her head spin.

Eli noticed her distress and gently said, "That's good. Whenever you want to head back, just tell me," Eli said as he leaned back a little, and for the first time, Clare noticed how…exhausted he looked. He had undoubtedly been crying and Clare wondered what he was feeling right now.

"Are you tired?" Clare gently asked, her heart aching for Eli when she realized that…it was because of her that he was like this. They weren't boyfriend and girlfriend anymore, and Clare wasn't even sure if they could be called friends, but…her pain was his pain all over again. She hoped that Eli wasn't torturing himself over how to make her feel better when he really couldn't, but something told her that torturing and punishing himself…was exactly what Eli was doing.

"Not at all," Eli lied, not wanting Clare to feel guilty. "I'll stay out as long as you need me to," he said encouragingly.

"I know you would," Clare said in a shaky voice, because…she realized that Eli _would_ do whatever she asked of him. He would stay with her all night if she wanted him to, he would take her to a _dozen_ movies that he wouldn't enjoy if she asked, he would give her an author credit on a story that she had only edited, he would hide his pain and sacrifice his well-being to make her happy, he would…do anything to make her happy.

All of this was hitting Clare like a tidal wave, and she wanted to have some time to swim to the surface and gasp for breath. And she didn't know what she hated more; the fact that it was all rising to the surface indeed after spending so much time as latent secrets, or that fact that…she knew that she now had all the time in the world, as Eli was no longer…hers.

"I…let's go, Eli," Clare softly said, because she didn't want to be here anymore and she also didn't want to keep Eli out here in the cold anymore – his shaking still hadn't stopped, she noticed with a frown.

"Okay," he said, and he took a risk and held out his arm for Clare to grab onto as she made her way off the log. He smirked ever so slightly when he noticed Clare put her hand on top of it without the slightest hesitation, but his slight moment of happiness was immediately destroyed when her right leg gave way as she tried to place half of her body weight on it. Eli caught her at once, his hands moving to her underarms and holding her up.

"Okay, okay, slowly," he gently said as he helped her back onto the log and Clare looked down, blushing furiously…his cheek had practically grazed hers as he had prevented her from completely buckling.

"You have a rolled ankle and an extremely scraped knee, Clare," Eli said as his green eyes shared with worry.

"I'll be fine," she responded gently.

"I know you will be –" Eli answered, "but not if you attempt a thirty-minute walk on it right now," he continued, deciding to take control of the situation whether Clare approved or not. Eli knew that they were far away from access to healthcare and that Clare's ankle and knee were not serious injuries, but had the potential to become much worse if exacerbated by more walking.

But what Eli didn't know was that Clare also realized this.

"But…you can't walk right now," Eli softly continued, and he was happy to see her frown then nod in agreement.

Eli then slowly stood up and approached Clare at a constant rate, giving her lots of time to signal that she wasn't okay with what he was about to do. But as he leaned down over her and Clare could feel his breath on her arm, she found herself frozen, and she definitely wasn't capable of saying anything to him. When she realized what she wanted him to do, her heart sunk…she thought she was over this problem, this fantasy of his lips on hers, but…as she felt one of Eli's arms wrap securely around her back and the other lock behind her knees, she found herself wishing that he would do more than just pick her up.

She snapped back to reality when she felt herself being lifted into his arms and off the log in one fell swoop, and Eli adjusted her body in his arms ever so slightly, making sure to minimize contact with her hurt leg and to keep a good grasp of her back.

"You…you don't have to, Eli…"Clare started, but Eli cut her off gently,

"Hey – hey, I've got you," he said, and the comfort and security in his voice made Clare want to stop analyzing the situation. As she felt his arms in contact with her body, she realized how...exhausted she was herself.

She had cried wildly too, and ran by herself, and panted in fear, and finally tripped and fell asleep in the dirt, and up until now her entire mind's effort had been placed on keeping her body safe. But now…she felt the heat radiate off of Eli's warm body and…she was so tired, she felt; her eyes were drooping and…if she let him carry her, she knew she wouldn't have to worry about keeping her body away from all the dangers that surrounded them. And she was…so tired, she admitted to herself as her eyes half-closed. Maybe…she could let him do this for her, she thought.

He was hanging onto her so securely but so gently at the same time – so intimately but so chastely – and…maybe just for a few minutes, until she could walk on her own, she reasoned with herself. Yes, maybe just for a few minutes, she repeated, and finally allowed herself full surrender as she leaned into Eli's touch and burrowed her head in the crook of his neck. She felt her body be slightly moved up his arms, and…it was better this way; she could hide her entire face in his neck, feeling his scent even more potently than she had in putting on his jacket. He wasn't making contact with her injuries, he wasn't disturbing them, and he kept her legs folded in closely so their involuntary movement wasn't painful like it could sometimes be when someone was carrying you in their arms. She was so warm in his jacket after hours of shivering in the cold, and so comfortable in his arms after hours of being alone and scared, and she knew that she didn't have to worry about a thing with him here right now.

She wondered if he could see well enough in the darkness – Drew had taken the flashlight with him unintentionally – but she never heard Eli complain or hesitate, the rhythm of his moving feet remaining slow as he made his way through several obstacles, but always traveling at a constant speed. She'd periodically hear him say, "I've got you, almost there. Just relax. You sleep, and I'll bring us back. You do your job, and I'll do mine". He would always slightly adjust the hand that was wrapped around her back, and Clare knew this was because he didn't want her to get sore or uncomfortable due to one single prolonged position. She smiled tearfully, hoping he couldn't feel the wetness on his neck, because she realized all of the little things that he was doing to make her as comfortable as possible, and she drew her hand over his chest and tightly clung to his thin black T-shirt. The last thing she could consciously make out before fully giving herself over to sleep was that the beat of his heart was jumping through his shirt.

She wondered if the gentle kiss that she felt in her curls was reality or a dream.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"You've _got_ to be kidding me," Alli said with a large frown as she saw Eli's figure emerging from the darkness into the semicircle of soft light that the cabin's outdoor light was giving off, Clare in his arms.

Alli's voice, as well as everyone else's sighs of relief and immediate presence by her side woke Clare up and she groggily clung tighter to Eli, not wanting to be placed down yet. He detected this feeling on her part at once, and he pulled her up a bit higher in his embrace, which signalled to her right away that he wasn't going to put her down until she asked.

"Put her down," Alli said strictly at once.

Eli felt Clare's entire body tense up and he heard her loudly say, "Get away from me, Alli! And leave me and Eli alone!"

A little triumphant smirk crossed Eli's lips despite his best attempts to control it.

Eli didn't need anything else said in order to determine what to do next; he walked past Alli and everyone else right into the cabin. He felt everyone follow him in slowly and he assertively said, "Jake, Clare is taking the bedroom tonight," knowing that there was only one in the cabin. Eli didn't care if Jake had been planning on cuddling all night long with Alli in there – he figured Jake could let Clare have her own space for the night as opposed to sleep on the floor of the living room of the cabin, as everyone else would be doing.

"_Only _Clare," Jake responded sternly, the image of Eli carrying a still-groggy and not talkative Clare to a bed infuriating him just a little bit.

"Of course," Eli said as if it was plain as day, wondering if Jake actually believed he'd do what Eli believed Clare wanted the least – share a space with him.

"I can walk now," Clare said confidently, and Eli placed her down ever so gently, offering his arm for support as he led her into the little hallway that was on one side of the kitchen area, and crossing it in order to reach the small bedroom that had a rocking chair, a desk, and a bed with just a foam mattress on it, but no bedding. This was because Jake's dad had already packed up the cabin for the summer and once Jake had asked to use it, Glen realized he didn't have enough time to bring everything back up, so he just told Jake to tell his friends to bring their own sleeping bags.

Eli turned the light on in the small room as Clare sat down on the bed and sighed deeply.

"I want to take a shower," she announced, and Eli noticed that the small bedroom indeed had an adjoining bathroom with a shower.

"Um, okay. Do you need me to turn it on for you or anything?" Eli awkwardly stumbled, becoming a little overwhelmed at Clare mentioning that she was going to have a shower. She shook her head, and Eli still couldn't completely regain his senses, despite the fact that he should have figured as much – she was covered in dirt and mud and there were little pine needles in her hair. She was frowning as she was trying to get them out, and Eli lightly chuckled and slowly walked over, standing just in front of her and gently sliding out her headband out of her curls, most of the needles clinging to it and coming out as well.

"Oh. Thanks," Clare said with a soft smile as her striking blue eyes looked up at Eli. After a period of time that was way too long for either of them to not realize that the other was lost in their own thoughts, Eli cleared his throat and took a step back.

"Where's your bag?" Eli asked. "I'll get it for you so you can have a change of clothes," he logically added.

"In Bianca's car," Clare answered.

"Okay. I'll go get it and I'll get Bianca to bring it in – don't want you to wait any longer to head into the shower, you're shaking," Eli pointed out with worry – her shaking had stopped, much to his relief, just after he had picked her up, and now it had started all over again.

"Thank you," Clare said emphatically as she rose to her feet without too much pain.

"Anytime," Eli honestly answered, giving her a sad smile before he walked over to the door and closed it behind him, leaving Clare alone with her thoughts and flurry of feelings.

Eli, for one, was lost in his own feelings as he walked over to Bianca's car and recognized Clare's bag as soon as he opened the trunk, feeling Alli's glare on him the entire time.

He just shrugged, not impressed with Alli for betraying Clare and causing her all of this hurt, and entered the cabin again. Eli saw that Drew and Katie were seated on the couch, Marisol sitting in the seat opposite of them, while Alli was still outside and Jake was awkwardly standing by the fireplace, while Bianca was finishing an apple in the kitchen.

"Bianca, think you could bring Clare her bag?" Eli asked as he held it out and Bianca took it at once with a nod.

"Maybe help her get changed, she has a rolled ankle and a really bad scrape on her knee," Eli said as Alli also entered.

"She's _my_ best friend, _I'm_ going to help her," Alli stubbornly said, trying to take the bag away from Bianca, but the older girl just shot Alli a glare and held the bag out of her reach.

"I believe _you_'ve done enough," Bianca sharply said, as Alli recoiled in guilt and shame.

Bianca started walking towards the bedroom, the sound of the shower being prominent from the background, and just before she was about to open the door, she playfully and mischievously turned around, winked in Eli's direction and said,

"You sure you wouldn't just rather help her slide out of her towel and into her PJs yourself, Dr. Doom?" causing Eli to widen his eyes at once and…blush furiously, something no one around him at the moment had ever seen before. Eli, however, quickly regained his composure and rolled his eyes and replied,

"Just go help her," with a shake of his head. Eli might have confessed to Adam and Fiona that he was well aware that he would probably always love Clare, but…he wished that not every single person at Degrassi also had to know that, and he certainly didn't like it having thrown into his face by Bianca in front of Jake and Alli. Adam playfully teasing him and coaxing a discussion out of him post-gunshot wound was a completely different thing than what Bianca had just done, and Eli had caught the dirty glare that Jake had sent him upon hearing Bianca's words.

Eli knew that he had hurt Clare, and it was one of the biggest and deepest regrets of his life. Had he been thinking lucidly the night of Spring Fling, he never would have acted that way, he knew, but at that time he wasn't even aware that…there was something wrong with his mind.

But Eli knew that if there was one thing that he never would have done to her…it was what Jake had just done. Eli thought that Clare didn't have feelings for him any more after they had broken up – once 'Love Roulette' was over and he had begun to think clearly and he had heard Clare say "I love you" to Jake with a large smile on her face, he realized that…he was just a guy in her past, a mistake that she surely regretted. But…Jake must have known that Clare still had feelings for him, and…he kissed _her best friend_. He threw a party and invited _all_ of her best friends – Eli had no idea Clare wouldn't be on the guest list – and…he hurt her. And Eli hated that time and time again, Clare ended up this way.

Jake and Alli eventually sat down on the other couch, while Eli took a seat on a kitchen stool and tried to calm his mind down. She was safe, he reflected. She was just in the next room, getting cleaned up and ready for a bed as a friend was helping her. It was okay, he told himself as he took a deep breath and watched Jake throw more wood onto the fire.

The image of the fire made Eli think of something that he scolded himself mentally for not thinking of before, and he headed outside for the next few minutes, using the fire out there and making sure to pour the bucket of water over it, knowing that no one else would use it tonight. He then headed back inside and quietly worked in the kitchen, placing the hot dog that he had roasted in a bun, adding mustard and relish to its sides, placing it in on a plate next to a bar of jersey milk chocolate and pulling out a bottle of berry-flavoured Vitamin Water as well.

He heard Jake and Alli whisper things to each other – sounded like they were making an apology plan – and he watched Katie and Bianca shot looks of daggers at each other. He _certainly _did not envy a very-uncomfortable looking Drew for one second. After a few more minutes, he jolted as Bianca came out of the bedroom, looked right at him and said,

"Eli, grab the first aid kit so you can bandage Clare's knee".

Eli did so, seeing as the first aid kit was velcroed to the side of the fridge, but everyone watched as he hesitated, exhaling deeply and ultimately walking over to Katie and holding out the first aid kit to her.

"You have training. You do it. And take that dinner to her as well," he said, gesturing toward the plate that he had prepared that was now sitting on the kitchen counter.

"Okay," Katie said at once, used to taking charge of situations.

"No," Bianca replied, causing Katie to shoot her a death glare, but Bianca simply shrugged and said, "She said specifically 'I want Eli,' don't shoot the messenger," as she raised her hands in a defensive gesture.

Eli then heard Alli groan and watched as her tiny body shook in fury and she exploded at once, "No! She's _my_ best friend! I know I screwed up, but this doesn't mean that I'm going to stand by and watch my mistake turn into an opportunity for her ex, who _crashed his hearse into a wall for her_, to come in and _manipulate_ the situation, and _manipulate her _all over again," Alli shot as Eli flinched in pain, and guilt and shame and his hands began to shake.

It was only then that everyone heard the bedroom room slam open as heard Clare sharply say, "Eli, come here," and he did as Clare asked, still pale from Alli's words. "And _you_, " Clare shot at Alli, "_you_ no longer refer to me as your 'best friend,' and be quiet, _especially_ when it comes to Eli! Just shut up and leave me alone, Alli!" Clare said, frustration building inside of her and exploding like a volcano as she slammed the door so intensely that Jake was sure that it would come out of its sockets.

"Sorry," Clare said with a blush as Eli watched the scene with wide eyes as he stood beside her, tightly gripping the first aid kit and holding onto the plate of food.

"Don't be," Eli replied. "You have a right to be angry at her. And to be honest, that was _freaking awesome!_" he added with a head bang that elicited bubbly giggles from Clare, bringing an automatic genuine smile to Eli's face as he was flooded by his favourite sound.

"I don't know what came over me," Clare said as she motioned for Eli to sit on the bed after she did.

"Nah, that was cool. Besides, the girl I knew was always fearless – glad to see her again tonight," Eli said with a smirk, causing more giggles to fall from Clare's lips.

He then held out the plate he was holding and shyly added, "I…you probably didn't get a chance to grab dinner – you must have been driving while we were eating back here. Um, unless you stopped somewhere, of course".

"We didn't," Clare replied, thinking…that _of course_ Eli would think about her needing to eat…when no one else had.

"Bianca was pretty hell bent on getting up here," she added.

"Well, I do believe that right now, Bianca is the _very definition_ of a woman on a mission," Eli said with a smirk, remembering what Adam had told him. He held the plate towards Clare, and she gratefully took it with a warm smile, only now realizing that was famished.

"It has only relish and mustard," Clare sighed emotionally.

"Oh sorry, I-I thought that's what you liked, but I'll go get the ketchup, or I can make you a new one if you want or -" Eli began.

"No, no, Eli, it has _only_ relish and mustard; _exactly_ what I like. Everyone always forgets that I don't like ketchup, even my mom – and they bring me one with all three," she explained, the magnitude of this simple gesture on Eli's part hitting her like a flood unleashed by dam gates.

She wondered…_if I were to ask Jake how I like my hot dogs, would he know?_ Something told Clare that he definitely wouldn't, and that he certainly wouldn't offer her one, not to mention think of the fact that she might be hungry when she hadn't said anything about it.

"Oh, okay, good. Thought your tastes might have changed or something," Eli said with a shrug, and Clare wanted to tear up when she thought of everything that had changed in the last year…she couldn't blame Eli for considering the fact that…she would have a sudden change of heart about….things she liked.

"So, let me see your leg," Eli said gently, taking in the satin pink tank top that Clare was wearing, and having to swallow deeply when she draped her leg over his; she was wearing just a pair of matching pink satin boy shorts with a lace edge.

This was definitely the most exposed that Eli had seen her in all of the time that he had known her, and the subject of a rather numerous number of fantasies on his part. There were many things that he longed to do Clare; but all of them honourable and accompanied by the passion that he knew was stemming from true love and a desire to treat her right and care for her for…all of his life. The same passion and love that had caused him to realize in the days in which they were dating that he would wait however long was necessary for her to be ready how to explore how physical intimacy could better a sound emotional relationship…and he had even allowed himself to hope that yes, he _would_ be the one who Clare would marry and the one who she would give herself to wholeheartedly and without a trace of doubt on her wedding night. But he knew that he had screwed up and lost her, so he shook that fantasy out of his mind before he let himself get lost in it and end up making Clare uncomfortable.

He just placed his fingers gently on the sides of her bloody scrape as he saw her eating the dinner that he had brought her out of the corner of his eye, frowning as he noticed the bits of dirt, pebbles, and pine cones that were deeply embedded in her injury. He didn't like the fact that she had just had a shower and all those particles were still in there. He noticed that her wet curls were sticking to the sides of her neck and her entire skin was warm and glowing, making it really difficult for him to keep his focus, but he knew that Clare was in pain with all of those foreign particles in her wound, and he wanted to get her cleaned up and resting in bed, so he inhaled sharply and regained his control.

"I'm gonna need to use tweezers," he said with a frown, but Clare quickly replied,

"That's fine," as she waved her hand and continued eating, the nourishment starting to make her feel so much better at once.

"Why are you _still_ shaking?" Eli softly asked under his breath after he pulled the tweezers out of the first aid kit, posing the question more to himself than to Clare.

"I'm cold," she admitted, a little embarrassed.

"Oh," Eli replied, getting up to turn the heat up on the thermostat to 20oC at once. Clare watched him quickly say that he'll be right back, and he returned with a black sleeping bag, a blanket, and she also noticed that he was carrying a blue T-shirt with an image of a rooster and a pair of black pyjama pants.

"The benefits of Cece hanging out with Adam's mom - just one time, I swear - and she immediately learned all of Mrs. Torres' helicopter parent ways," he said with a smirk as she placed all of the items on the floor of the room, just beside the bed.

Clare gave him a sparkly laugh in response, and gestured for him to return to his spot on the bed, placing her leg slowly over him once again as he picked up the tweezers once again.

"I'm sorry," Eli began, "I wore the T-shirt earlier on the bike ride over here, but I've never worn those pyjama pants before, and I've only slept in that sleeping bag like twice," he said as he looked down at Clare's wound and ever so gently began picking out the debris with the tweezers.

"I don't mind, Eli," she said kindly, wanting to burst into tears at the thought that Eli was afraid that she'd be disgusted by his slightly worn and possibly still slightly sweaty T-shirt.

A look of confusion then crossed Clare's mind as she asked him, "How did you know I didn't bring a sleeping bag?"

"When I brought your bag out of Bianca's car, it was really small, didn't think it could fit a sleeping bag," Eli answered.

"I…I didn't bring much, barely even a change of clothes," Clare silently said. "I thought…I would just borrow some of Alli's clothes, she always over packs," she added, her voice just above a whisper.

"Well, my clothes may not be as sparkly or girly as Alli's, but…feel free to use anything I've got," Eli offered.

"Eli?" Clare slowly asked.

"Why…How…_how_ can you go and kiss the best friend of the girl you just dumped…how does…how does someone _do that_?" Clare whispered, a tear escaping her eye.

"I…I don't know, Clare. I really, I just…I don't know," Eli honestly answered, and another tear escaped her eyes when she realized that…she was asking the last person in the world who might have an answer to that question. Eli…was so different, she thought, of course he just…doesn't know how someone could do that.

"He's an idiot, Clare," Eli then confidently said. "You were much too good for him in the first place," he added with a smirk, then whispering, "Take it from a fool who knows," to himself, slowly breaking Clare's heart.

"I thought…he _loved _me," Clare confessed, knowing that perhaps she shouldn't put Eli through all of this, but…here, in front of her, was the only person who had ever…_really_ listened to her, and she was so upset and stressed and overwhelmed that the words just flowed out of her.

Eli didn't respond to Clare's question, not knowing what to say, and he just focused on pulling out the pine needles out of her wound, rinsing it out so gently with Savlon medical soap and wiping the debris away with gauze pads. Clare noticed how gently and thorough he was being, and despite the fact that it was stinging a little, she knew that he was doing everything possible to keep as much pain away from her as he could.

"But…he never _said _so, did he?" Clare reflected. "You…said it for him," she whispered tearfully.

"Because I thought he did. I…don't know, Clare. I don't know Jake really well, all I saw was that he made you happy. So _so_ happy, when I was on that complete craze with the play, too; making your life harder even after I was no longer supposed to be in it," Eli said regretfully, his face displaying hurt and shame all over it.

"He did…make me happy," Clare said, watching as Eli hid his gaze by pretending to need to get closer to her wound in order to pick out a tiny rock. "But…but…only when it was convenient _for him_. And deep down inside, I…knew that he'd lose interest in me," Clare said painfully.

"Whoa, let's not say ridiculous things now," Eli softly said. "Fact of the matter is, that _none _of this is _your _fault. It's not about what you should have done differently. Alli and Jake wanted to kiss, and so they did. Maybe it was a moment of confusion, maybe not. But it was something that the two of _them_ did, and it has nothing to do with you. And besides – _any_ guy who would 'lose interest in you' doesn't deserve you in the first place," Eli reasoned, lifting his head in order to lock his gaze with Clare's and repeat,

"He. doesn't. ." as Clare thought in depth about what Eli had just said.

"I…I'm okay. I know it wasn't meant to be. But Alli…I never saw this coming _from her_," Clare added.

"I don't know her well at all," Eli said, feeling like he should say anything. "All I know is that she's _definitely _not a fan of mine," flinching when he heard how Alli had referred to him. "But I don't blame her. My actions have crossed the line, I can see…why she thinks of me that way," Eli sadly said as Clare looked down at her wound and noticed how much better-looking it was becoming with Eli's patient work.

She unwrapped the jersey milk chocolate that he had brought her and took a sip of her Vitamin Water, feeling her energy creep back into her body at the introduction of the sugar.

"Yum," Clare softly said as she placed a piece of the soft chocolate in her mouth and it started melting. "I love jersey milk on its own," she absent mindedly said.

"Not in s'mores; they're too hot and you can barely taste it," Eli said, repeating what Clare had told him once many months ago.

"Exactly!" she exclaimed, looking down at him sadly, wondering if Eli remembered every single word that she had ever said to him. Something told her that he did, and she wished that she could take some of the not-so-gentle ones back.

"I know," Eli softly said.

"Have a piece," Clare insisted, holding a two-square one out to Eli.

"Bloody hands," he softly replied, continuing his manoeuvres with the tweezers, working on a particularly stubborn sliver at the moment.

"Well then - open up," Clare said playfully, and she inserted the piece of chocolate directly into Eli's mouth when he did as she asked, her fingers brushing his lips ever so gently and sending both of their heartbeats into overdrive.

Eli continued working diligently as Clare began shaking out her damp curls, the image of domesticity from afar looking like that of a husband and wife taking care of each other on a chilly summer night if it were witnessed by a stranger.

"Eli?" Clare softly asked as she reached toward the floor and picked up and slipped on his rooster T-shirt.

"Yeah?" Eli said, raising his head to see her, and being slightly taken aback by seeing his clothing on her body. This was another manifestation of several of his fantasies, and the incongruency of how it was coming to be a reality with the way that it played out in his dreams was making him confused and slightly flustered.

"Thank you for looking out for me and for taking care of this first aid business," Clare emphatically said, knowing that she owed this to Eli.

"Thank you for letting me," Eli repeated just as emphatically, his eyes shining with a wetness that shocked Clare.

"Look out the window," she said in a quiet voice. "The stars are out," she added, jogging Eli's memory at once. "What's your wish, Eli? Tell me your wish," she continued, the inflection in her voice making it sound more like a plea than a request.

"I…I already made a wish tonight; I already asked for something. And I got it," Eli said, trying to hide the film of tears in his eyes by leaning over Clare's knee as he rinsed the wound with Savlon soap once again.

Clare knew that she was well aware of what Eli had asked for. _To find me. For me to be okay. For me to be safe._

"Eli?" she asked again, not waiting for him to reply. "I'm sorry".

"It's okay, Clare. You're okay now, it's all okay," he replied.

"Not about tonight," she said as she lifted his head so he would look at her.

"You don't have anything to apologize to me for," Eli stubbornly insisted.

"But I do! I was…insensitive, and I never listened to you when you were…scared. You tried – God, Eli, you tried so hard and…you didn't manipulate me. You didn't crash Morty because you thought it would get me to the hospital. I know that there was no way that you were thinking clearly on the phone with me in order to look that far ahead…to plan that far ahead. You crashed Morty because you thought it would solve all our problems, and…because you thought it would make me happy. And when at the hospital, you said 'it was worth it,' I was confused. I didn't realize you meant that…it didn't matter what happened, because now I was with you and it was okay, I thought you meant it as in…you did crash Morty to get me to come. But…you didn't. And then…I should have given you some time, with your meds. But instead, I paraded Jake in front of you – and kissed him that night, too, you know. And then after the play, I blamed the fact that you're –" Clare stumbled.

"Bipolar. It's okay to say it," Eli said, frozen in his movements at this point, shocked at hearing everything that Clare was saying.

"Yes, I…I was stupid, Eli. It didn't have to end like it did; it didn't have to all happen like it did," Clare enumerated.

"Clare. I need you to look at me," Eli said, staring her straight in the eyes because he knew that if there was only one thing that she needed to understand about their break-up, it was what he was going to say next.

"Look at me," Eli softly repeated and Clare did as he asked.

"What you did – breaking up with me – it was the right thing to do," Eli said assertively.

"How do you know that? How can you know that?" Clare asked.

"Because – I now have the perspective, with the help of my therapist, to realize that. Clare, if there's one thing that you remember about me – let it be that. Let it be that you were strong, and brave, and confident – some of my favourite things about you – and you did the right thing. If twenty years from now, when you're happily married to a man who will treat you so well and be so wonderful to you that you won't even remember that jerk who hurt you when you were fifteen, if you ever think back to _this_ – just remember that…it was the right thing to do," Eli finished, a blank look flooding his eyes as his body slightly rocked in exhaustion and numbness.

"Eli…" Clare emotionally sighed. "And what will you remember about me?" she asked, curiosity over taking her.

She watched as he smiled softly, refocusing on her wound and pulling out more debris from it.

His voice was gentle as he said, "Clare…to me you'll always be…fifteen, and beautiful, and the girl who was my best friend and the kindest and most patient person that I ever knew. You'll always be dancing away with my heart," Eli confessed, not knowing if he should be this open with Clare, but…deciding that he at least owed her this much.

"Eli," Clare said as tears now steadily over came her, "I…" she started, and Eli gently wrapped a clean, fresh, and white piece of gauze over her scraped knee and cut neat pieces of medical adhesive tape in order to secure it in place comfortably enough so that it wouldn't come undone as Clare's knee bent with every step that she would take.

"It is…what it is. I just wish I hadn't put you through all of that. I had a feeling, you know – before I could no longer help myself and kissed you in the library," Eli started as Clare blushed at the memory, "that…maybe I shouldn't have taken you down this road. But…you brought a happiness into my life that I hadn't felt for a long long time, and I sort of…got lost in it. Before I knew that I was into deep, I had gone too far – the light that used to guide me had faded from my heart. _I'm_ the one who owes you the apology, and God, Clare…you have no idea how much I regret what I did to you. Just as much as I regret not holding Julia back that night that led to her death," Eli confessed, and Clare was a little taken aback to hear him speak about Julia so openly and directly.

"It wasn't all bad. You did…some very nice things for me, Eli – you brought that same happiness into my life when I really needed it too," Clare pointed out, surprising Eli when looking at things from this perspective.

"Well, I'm glad. Just a few glimmers of happiness, but…I was _wrong _for you, Clare. _All wrong_, and we both know it," Eli softly said, making Clare wonder how her heart had not stopped beating yet. It sure felt like it was breaking into a million little pieces.

"Eli…your play…I'm sorry I never praised you for it in my article. I couldn't find you at the after party," Clare told him.

"I didn't go. Right after the play…that was when I realized. That's how long it took me – can you believe it? That's when I realized that my life had reached a point of complete unmanageability and how much I had been hurting my parents, and how much I needed to change. _Really_ change. All I wanted to do was to go home with my parents. To listen to my dad's records and have my mom hold me. I know that sounds really pathetic, but…it was all I wanted to do," Eli softly said.

"It's not pathetic, Eli. And your play, it _was _amazing – it really was," Clare said.

"It was…_crazy_," Eli replied, and Clare regretted that she had used that adjective before 'good' in the article that she had written. "And…I broke a girl's heart in my craze. A girl who only wanted to help me and who did everything I asked of her," Eli said, his voice breaking in shame.

"Imogen," Clare softly whispered.

"Yeah," Eli replied.

"She has feelings for you," Clare tip-toed.

"She did – before she saw _the real me_," Eli gritted. "Sure, she accepted the fact that I did crazy things unlike anyone else did, but…I was horrible to her, Clare," he added. "Nothing ever really happened between us besides me kissing her and imagining that she was you instead," Eli confessed.

Clare was silent.

"What happened in the end?" she asked.

"Once I finally embraced proper help and I realized what a total monster I had been to her, I apologized. And…that's all it took, surprisingly – not that I deserved her forgiveness. She let me know I had screwed up – even more gently than I deserved – and she let me take her to the Dot. Was just as nice and kind to me as she was the first time that we ever went there; we only went there once after I got better and I hope we can continue to be friends," Eli replied.

"Just friends?" Clare burst out.

"She doesn't have feelings for me in that way anymore, and…I never did," Eli softly said. "All I do is hurt people," he added.

"That's _not _true, Eli," Clare sternly said. "You were the best boyfriend I've ever had," Clare declared and Eli turned to face her at once, complete shock on his face.

"Wish I could have been better," Eli replied as Clare sadly smiled at him.

"How does that feel?" Eli asked Clare as he gestured towards the neat dressing that he had produced. He helped her stand to her feet, and she took a few steps comfortably and rewarded him with a bright smile.

"It's perfect," she declared, and then she surprised Eli by picking up his pyjama pants off of the floor and sliding them on, covering her wound and being covered from head to toe…in his clothing, making him stare at her for a few seconds before he snapped out of it.

"_Why_ is it so cold in here?" Clare asked in slight frustration.

"I turned up the thermostat, but in most of these cabins it takes a while to get warmed up. You can put my jacket on, though," Eli pointed out.

"But I'm stealing all your clothes!" Clare exclaimed with a giggle.

"Don't worry about it," Eli replied casually.

Clare decided to listen to him and she slipped on his jacket quickly, and she then rummaged through her own bag and pulled out a pair of pink fuzzy socks that Eli chuckled at – they looked rather funny among her wardrobe, that was made up off his clothes.

"Don't start – "Clare giggled.

"Well – question – _those_ itty bitty pyjamas are the ones you decided to bring with you to an outdoor cabin?" Eli decided to ask.

He regretted his question as soon as he saw Clare's face fall at once and she whispered, "Alli encouraged me to get them. She said maybe..." Clare trailed off.

"…Jake would like them," Eli finished for her.

"I didn't sleep with him," Clare whispered…just wanting Eli to know that.

"Clare…you don't have to justify anything to me. You love him, and he said he loves you. If you had decided to…um…do that with him, and if you felt ready and you were safe and he treated you well, then…it's not my place to pass judgement on that," Eli said, but the look was on his face as he gritted that out told Clare that those thoughts and their accompanying visuals were pure torture for him.

"I wouldn't have, Eli – I wouldn't have. Not when we were together, not on this trip, and not someday. _Never_," Clare said, and she saw a little bit of tension escape his body.

"I just…I care about you, and I only want you to have the best in life. Everything…just as it should be, including that. I only want you to be happy," Eli gently told her.

"I know you do, Eli. I've known that for a while now," Clare confessed.

She sensed that she should say something more, but she didn't know exactly what, so she just sat down on the bed next to him and inserted her hands into her leather jacket pockets. When her fingers met a few folded-up pieces of paper, she pulled it out on instinct.

Eli saw and said, "Oh, sorry, that's just –"

"Eli," Clare gasped in amazement.

"I didn't know that was still in there," he replied.

"Eli – you won? You won…at the Toronto International Writers Fest this summer? You won…in your age category," Clare said as she scanned the set of printed papers, Eli's name under the category, his age, and his school also provided before the text of the story.

"Yeah, fluke probably," Eli modestly said. "No one else sent submissions or something," he joked.

"Eli," Clare gently chastised him. "This is amazing. Congratulations – you really deserve it," she added.

"Thank you, Clare," he softly replied.

"Can I? Can I…read it?" Clare gently said.

"I…you might not like it," Eli started "Maybe – " he began again, and Clare hated that…Eli now thought that she hated his writing, that she thought that it was all crazy, and…she never wanted him to feel this way.

"Please, Eli?" she pleaded, and as he always did, Eli gave in.

"Okay," he answered, turning his gaze away from her as she read.

It only took a few paragraphs for Clare's interest to be completely captivated and for her to realize that…of course the selection board had chosen Eli's story. It was…_beautiful_.

But it was the last few paragraphs that really struck her, and as she read the words she knew that she would commit them to memory for ever.

She realized that Eli…had written a new story, in every sense of the phrase. It was called 'Heart of the World'.

_ …his footsteps feel final over the rattling pavement as he rushes to meet her. She jumps into his arms, confetti scattered everywhere, the pink and yellow remnants of the baby show spread out in a fan of glee and the fulfilment brought by a tiny miracle. She falls asleep in the seat beside him, little baby biscuit crumbs caught up in her hair – but he doesn't mind it; he keeps driving, flying on the wheels of steel. He's a little bit anxious, a little bit nervous, and the moment is all that they both can feel. _

_ …She leaves him sleeping as she rises early; she's always up before the dawn. The house is dark, but she sees clearly as the kettle sings a morning song. The bacon is frying and the baby is crying, and she soaks up the sights and sounds. The minutes turn to days and she wishes that she could slow it all down because she knows that…it won't be like this for long. One day they will both wake up and she will be a teenager, and at times they'll think she hates them, but then they'll walk her down the aisle and leave her there. _

_ …If oil is the soul of the engine, if grease is the soul of the kitchen, and coffee is the drink of the Gods, forgiveness the road to redemption, and heaven is the home of my God, then faith can still beat the odds and time is a thief they would rob. And if hope is the soul of the dreamer, then it only takes one true believer to believe you can still beat the odds. _

_ 'We're meant to be, baby hold onto me – you'll never not be my girl,' he whispers to her right before they fall asleep. _

_ 'I'll never not be your girl,' she drowsily, but fully consciously whispers back. _

_ Because fate can still beat the odds and heart…love is the heart…of the world. _

"Eli…it's so beautiful," Clare breathed as she folded the papers back up and held them tightly.

"It's a little…different for my style," Eli said with a smirk.

"A lot of things are a little bit different about you now, Eli. You're…you got better," Clare noticed.

"Took me long enough, but it's rather…gonna be a constant process, my therapist says. But she also says that I can lead a normal life, and there's nothing I want more than that," Eli shared with the girl he loved.

"Oh, Eli…you'll lead more than a normal life," Clare meaningfully said with a soft smile. "Your writing…it's going to touch people," Clare correctly predicted.

"Can I ask…what inspired this story?"

"It's sort of…a collection of all the great love stories I've ever known. The best part of all of them. The baby crying while the woman makes breakfast and loves every single thing about her sunny Saturday morning…that's my aunt. She got married a little over a year ago and she just had her first baby this summer, and we went to visit her, and I don't know…something about that moment just really struck me. The husband who says to his wife 'we're meant to be, baby hold onto me, you'll never not be my girl,' and she responds, 'I'll never not be your girl,' – that's something my dad always says to my mom when he's in the doghouse. It's sort of like pulling out the big guns, because no matter how mad at him my mom might be, if he says that to her, she always responds 'I may love you, but that doesn't mean I have to like you right now. But I'll never not be your girl,' and she only holds out a few more hours before she forgives whatever he did wrong," Eli said with a smile on his face.

Clare's eyes were getting shiny with tears through his explanation, and Eli instinctively moved closer to her and said, "Please don't cry".

"I'm not crying because I'm sad, I'm crying because…this story is….so touching. So perfect," Clare replied, breathing deeply before she asked, "And the part about….forgiveness being the road to redemption and heaven being the home of God…who is that about?'

It took Eli several seconds to answer.

"If I was going to write about the greatest love I ever knew…you know that I would have to include you, Clare. Where it says 'heaven is the home of my God'…it's just a line that came to me as I was thinking about you. But…the last line and the title, where it says 'love is the heart of the world,' – that's also about you," Eli confessed, quickly adding, "I'm sorry – I know you hate me writing about you, but I just wrote in the third person, tried to make it as ambi –" he began, but Clare cut him off at once.

"I love it," she said with a smile, scooting just a bit closer to him.

"I'm glad. The Chapters gift card and invitation to the literary fest for next year that I got for it should be at your house right now, I had them mailed over there," Eli added.

"What? Why would you do that?" Clare asked.

"Because…I don't know. I never would have written the story if I hadn't met you. I never…would have thought that love is the heart of the world until I met you. It just seemed like the right thing to do," Eli shrugged.

Clare replied by saying the only thing that she knew Eli needed to hear right now. "You didn't have to do that, Eli. But – thank you," and he flashed her a small smirk in response.

"Clare…how are you doing with the whole wedding situation? With your mom?" Eli gently asked, his thoughtfulness making Clare's heart swell all over again.

"You know what? My mom and I actually had a really nice talk the night that I tried on my maid of honour dress for the first time –" she started, and Eli gently cut her off.

"What colour was your dress?" he asked with a smile, his writer's mind trying to imagine everything he could about what he was missing in the life of the girl who he loved.

"Red," Clare said with a small smile.

"I bet you looked so pretty," Eli said as the vision he was imagining literally took his breath away.

Clare's cheeks gained a deep pink taint as she smiled coyly as she tipped her head and let out a tiny exhale, a gesture that declared Eli victorious as he smirked, pleased with himself.

Clare then continued, "She said…that she knows how hard everything is for me, and just her acknowledging that was…so special. And then…she said something that I don't think I ever understood until tonight, you know. She explained to me that, a long time ago when she first met Glen, they were in high school and they dated. But it didn't work out because she said," Clare said with a sniffle that broke Eli's heart, "…she said that they quarrelled once, and that she didn't forgive him. She said that she wanted to, but that she was stubborn. And he didn't wait forever, and then she met…my dad, and Glen got married too," Clare continued, and the way her voice broke at the mention of her father made Eli unable to restrain himself any longer. He slowly placed his arm around her shoulders, wanting to stop there, but Clare was the one who immediately burrowed into the warmth of his embrace.

She then tearfully continued, "And…they each had their own marriages. Glen and his first wife divorced when Jake was about thirteen, and…you know when my parents did. Glen found out about my parents' marriage breaking apart through some people he knew from our church and…he decided to come down to Toronto, because…he thought my mom might be sad. That's the thing, Eli – my mom and Glen were _friends_ first; really good friends, and he was worried about her. The economy in contracting was bad up north too, so it all made sense – it was the last sort of factor that he needed to make up his mind. Once he came down to Toronto…it was pretty clear that both him and my mom wanted to be more than friends, that they were ready to pick up where they had left off all those years ago. And my mom said – and this is the part that I don't think I really understood until tonight. My mom said," Clare said as her chest heaved and Eli drew her closer as he said,

"It's okay, it's okay – shh, it's okay. You've had a long night. You don't have to tell me, it's okay," Eli reassured her.

"I want to," Clare assertively said. "My mom said, she said Eli – that…once Glen came back, she felt like…it was a second chance. One that she didn't value fully the first time around. Eli – she said that she got married to Glen so fast because she knew, _she knew Eli_, that he would _never cheat_ on her, or leave her hurt or scarred. My dad – he cheated on my mom, Eli, many times – with many different women," Clare said as a sob overtook her. In that moment, she felt Eli's entire body tense up at once.

"Oh, Clare, no. No," she heard him emotionally breathe, and as she pulled out a little away from his embrace she could see that Eli was crying…for her. Her pain had become his pain.

"I'm so sorry, Clare, I'm so sorry that happened to you and to your mom. I…won't ever understand it – how you can do that to the one you love. That was one of the first things my dad sat me down and told me…when he had caught onto the fact that me and Julia's friendship was…morphing into something more. Before I asked her to be my girlfriend, Bullfrog sat me down and told me that if I think I'm ready to be a boyfriend to a girl, I needed to understand two main things.

The first being that…I needed to look out for her, to…protect her, if you will. You see, the guy my mom dated before she met my dad…he used to drink. And when he drank, he would…hit my mom. Really badly. She was scared to tell anyone, and one day she met my dad at an event put on by his radio station in college. They were friends for a while, but one day when they were supposed to meet and go to a show – just as friends – she cancelled, said she was sick. My dad dropped by her dorm to bring her a meal to make her feel a bit better and…when he opened the door, he saw what my mom had been hiding for a long time – he said her face was so swollen that he hardly recognized her. Her boyfriend – he had found the ticket to the radio show event in her jacket pocket, and decided that my mom going to the show with my dad would be 'disrespecting him," Eli snarled in disgust as his whole body shook with a large tremor.

He then continued, "Anyway, long story short, Bullfrog was furious – not a good thing, especially when he was that much younger, trust me – and he immediately beat the crap out of that guy and spent the night with campus security. Once it was all figured out, the guy went to jail and Bullfrog was released. From then on, he helped my mom get better – physically and emotionally – and it took her…an entire year to…be ready. To date again. I remember that when my dad told me this story – it was only the second time that I have seen tears in his eyes – and he said that…he realized that after what she had been through, he knew it would take her a while; because someone had really done her wrong. But…they got over it eventually," Eli softly said, a little afraid to say this to Clare. But as she looked up at him again, all she did was tightly grip his black shirt as she returned her head to rest against his chest, her mind reeling with…the way Eli had acted around Fitz, and…understanding a lot more about that situation in light of what she had just heard.

Eli then continued, "And the second thing that I needed to know if I wanted to be a real boyfriend, Bullfrog said, was that I'd need to never stand behind or in front of my girlfriend – but beside her. To help her when she needed it, and to never…leave her alone, feeling abandoned and betrayed. So how someone would…cheat on the one they love…I won't ever understand it," Eli softly said as Clare hung onto him just a bit tighter.

"I'm sorry, go on – if…if you want to," Eli encouraged Clare.

"Well, that was it really – my mom said that she knew that Glen would never cheat on her, never leave her hurt….like my dad did. And she told me that finding a man who you could 100% believe would never cheat on you but would always be there to support you…she said that…it was _extremely_ rare to find that, and that once you did, you had a duty to never let it go. It was your obligation to…support that love, and to make it work, because you were lucky enough to be blessed with it. And that part, Eli, that part – I didn't understand that until today," Clare tearfully said, pulling out of his embrace slightly so she could look him in the eyes.

"Reminds me of something I read once that immediately made me think of you," Eli replied with a faint smile.

"What?" Clare asked as she directly faced him now.

"It was about a girl who felt…lonely, after a disappointment and break-up from a guy who was a jerk. And as he went to bed, she thought to herself that…it was all right to be single. That...God was looking down on her and smiling, because he was saving her for someone special," Eli said with a tear.

"But…I didn't wait to be single. I jumped into the arms of the first guy who came around; and I knew…I knew Jake was likely to do this; he told me so himself when we first met again," Clare said shamefully.

"Shh. Shh. It's okay, Clare. It's okay. He made you happy. It's okay. It was what it was. But it doesn't have to define you – it doesn't have to define who you are….what you wear," Eli softly said, worried about what Clare had said about buying pyjamas that Jake would like.

"I know, I know," Clare said, her sexy confidence returning to her and making Eli smirk at once.

"You're strong, Clare. You can come back from this, and it's up to you and no one else to define what roles you want Jake and Alli to occupy in your life from now on," Eli gently told her.

"I'm not worried about that right now," Clare replied. "Eli…I'm thinking about what my mom said. How…rare it is to find someone…amazing," she breathed as she drew her face closer to Eli's.

"Clare…" Eli softly said as he realized what she was doing. He wanted nothing more than to move forward the few inches that were separating them, and close the gap with a soft kiss that he wanted for all the right reasons, but…he knew that Clare was doing this…for all the wrong reasons.

"Eli…" she breathed as she placed her hands on his chest.

It took Eli a few seconds to gently take her hands in his and place them on his knees.

"This…it's been a long night for you Clare. A lot of things happened – you're tired…you're leaning and you're bound to fall. I don't want to be that mistake. I know you already think of me…as a mistake. I don't want to add another one associated to my name. You don't want to kiss me…do you? Because I can't be kissing you…if it doesn't mean something. I can't be kissing you unless you are my girlfriend, and that's the last thing you want to be," Eli softly breathed.

"But I…Eli –" Clare stumbled.

"If you can honestly tell me that you want to be with me, I'd love nothing more than to kiss you," Eli offered. "But…I don't think…that you're over Jake," Eli said, voicing the thing that hurt him most.

"What we had, Clare – I never could make you happy. No matter what; and I'm not sure that things have changed. Sure, I'm 'better' – whatever that means – and I am not so medication-dependent anymore, but…I still don't know if I'm…enough. If I can make you happy. And what we had – time is leaving it behind. We can't just turn back time," Eli confessed.

"Why not?" Clare asked tearfully.

"Because…you don't love me," Eli finally confessed as Clare saw a tear roll down his face. "And I'll _never_ make you happy. I will _always_ be sad on Julia's birthday and her death anniversary – not because I am looking to replace you with her, but because I will _never_ be able to get over the guilt I feel in regards to that night, and yes, my stories will _always _be just a little bit weird. You don't love me, Clare," Eli said.

It was only then that Clare realized that while Eli had concretely told her that he loved her, she had never expressed the same sentiments out loud towards him.

"But I did, Eli," she softly said.

"Hmm. _Did_," he repeated with a soft smirk.

"You should get to bed, Clare, it's late. You're going to need your rest," Eli said as he got up off the bed and unpacked the warm sleeping bag for Clare. She also got up from the bed, and Eli laid it out across the bed, adjusting its in-built pillow so that Clare would be comfortable.

"Eli…what if we did? Try again? You know what I think?" Clare softly asked as she crawled into the sleeping bag and Eli was at once captivated by the movement of her curls against the pillow.

He picked up the blanket that he had also brought, a very Canadian heavy wool blanket with patterns of thunderbirds embroidered across it, and he placed it on top of Clare's body as he sadly smiled at her.

"Clare…I think you're saying this is a moment of stress, and that…you are forgetting all of the realities that being with me involves. I…after Julia, I always knew I was better off alone. I'm not…I just can't make you happy. Not because I don't want to, but because _I don't know how_. But maybe you and I can be friends, even if…I will always like you too much," Eli said as he tucked her in, leaning over her and gently wiping away the tears that had pooled in the corner of her striking blue eyes.

"Hmm. You're wrong, Eli," Clare plainly said before she flashed him a full smile – it had been so long since he had seen that sight – "I think that if we tried again, you and I would be…_unstoppable. _We would be so much better this time around; I have figured myself out with my mom's help, and you have also been so strong and so brave – _my Eli_ is what you have been. I was wrong; I don't want to turn back time, but I do want to take as much time into the future as you would allow me to have with you," Clare said.

She saw Eli play with the edges of the wool blanket as his lips formed into a slow smirk and he responded, "I just…I want to make sure you're not doing something that you'll back later on as a mistake and be scared to break up with me because of what I might do," Eli pointed out.

"Eli…if you can sit in a sweaty lodge with me and Jake and watch us declare our 'love' for each other like a couple of fools, and be _happy _for me while I am…blindly making out with him, then…I don't think there's anything that you can't do. You're different now, Eli. But…don't forget me, okay? Don't forget me, Eli," Clare pleaded.

"I won't ever forget you, Clare – I couldn't do such a thing. But…we could…take it easy, you know. Try to refind our friendship, just like your mom and Glen did, and then…once you have had enough time to…get over Jake, see where you stand with Alli, once you feel like…your life is back to normal, maybe then we could see if there's any space in it for me, as a friend, or…maybe more, if you still feel like you're feeling tonight," Eli pointed out, taking a huge leap of faith in Clare.

He saw her smile brightly at once, and he didn't know that it was because Clare's mind was already counting down the days – it had taken Glen and her mom about three weeks, she reasoned, until they began officially dating – and Clare didn't want to waste any time with Eli.

But she also realized that she had wounded him deeply when he was at his weakest, and that those scars needed time to heal. She knew that he was reacting this way by exercising all of this powers of self-control because, once again, he was thinking about her well-being. And because…he was deeply hurt and he was wondering if there was any room left in his heart for trust and love. Clare desperately hoped that against all odds, against all of his negative experiences, that…there could be, and that she could find and help it grow with confidence fostered by love.

"Yes, Eli, please, yes, I really want to!" Clare said passionately at once. "And I'll always want to – whenever you want to give me a chance," she repeated.

Eli smirked at her and softly said, "We've got time, Clare. I'll wait for you…when you're ready. Someday we can try again," he confirmed.

"Someday _soon_," she strictly told him. "It won't take me long to get over Jake…because I've never loved anyone like I love you, Eli," she emphatically said. "Like I _love you_, Eli. Sleep tight, okay?"

"You too, Clare. Sweet dreams," Eli said as he decided to be a bit bold and he brushed her curls out of her face and he leaned in and kissed her forehead ever so gently, so sweetly, and so softly that Clare's entire body shivered, much to Eli's smug satisfaction.

He made sure her blanket was securely in place, picked up her dinner plate, and turned off the light, turning back around to look at her just one more time. He exhaled deeply when he realized that…there she was, safely tucked into bed, and…having told him things that he was sure never crossed her mind. Eli knew that if things would work out, he would make sure to never hurt her again. He knew that…she was right; it would be different if they gave it another try.

Once he came out of the bedroom , he noticed that everyone else had already headed to bed – and glancing at his watch for the very first time since going out to look for Clare, he realized why – it was well past two am now.

He noticed that Jake and Alli were each asleep on one couch, and he shook his head at both of them , hoping they would have the decency to not make things any harder for Clare tomorrow morning. Bianca was asleep in a purple sleeping bag on the floor, while in another area he saw Katie and Drew snuggled in together in his sleeping blanket, his arm draped around her waist and another fleece blanket draped on top of them.

It only just now hit him that he no longer had a sleeping blanket or blanket or even pyjamas for this matter, but he just shrugged that thought away, none of that stuff ever being that important to his easy-going character. He brought Clare's plate to the sink and quietly washed it and returned it to its place, his mind still reeling a bit from everything that had happened.

Once he had finished that task, he decided he'd just crash on the floor; there was a rather large amount of space between Drew and Katie and Bianca, so he just crashed there, using a hoodie from his bag as a pillow. He thought about stealing the blanket that was draped across Drew and Katie, and had it only been serving a purpose for Drew, Eli wouldn't have hesitated at all. But he frowned when he saw that it was also providing warmth for Katie; something seemed wrong to him about stealing it under that circumstance.

"Whatever," he muttered as he rolled over and remembered that he only had a few hours of sleep to catch anyway. He tossed and turned for the next few hours in his sleep, his back hurting due to sleeping on the cold, hard floor, but his mind was at ease and it allowed him a sufficient amount of rest.

Inside the cabin's bedroom, Clare was warm and cozy after hours of shivering in the cold, and there was a soft smile on her face as she dreamed pleasant dreams of the future. Soon her dreams morphed into one in which…Eli was sleeping beside her, tucked in closely next to her and running his fingers through her hair and whispering sweet nothings into her ear that he alternated with soft kisses, as he often would when they would enjoy a little bit of private time on the hood of Morty by the abandoned church.

Clare giggled in her sleep when she semi-consciously realized that even in her dreams, Eli was as gentle and patient with her as he had always been in reality, asking her permission to move his hands on the inside of her shirt. She woke up rather breathlessly and smiled to herself as she realized that…she would figure it out. She would figure out whatever was needed to gain Eli's trust again.

She knew it was normal for him to be so hesitant and reluctant…the entire thing that hit him hard, and she understood that she needed to prove to him that she understood he was better now and that she wouldn't use his past and bring it into the future. She didn't know how long it would take, but she hope it wouldn't be too _too _long – her need for togetherness was so strong as she slept in his clothes and felt his scent everywhere in his sleeping bag and blanket that it almost scared her…as she wondered if this was how Eli felt in his moments of desperation. Something told her that although it was not identical, it was similar.

And as she was thinking about him and feeling his scent envelop her completely as she snuggled lower into the sleeping blanket, she flung it open at once, knowing that there were still many hours until everyone else would wake up; she had only been asleep for a few hours before her pleasant dreams took over the task of comforting her that Eli had begun and performed so well.

She quietly opened the door and tip-toed out into the living room, her gaze falling on Eli and only Eli at once. She frowned when she saw that he had no blanket – he was just using a hoodie as a pillow, and she immediately felt guilty – Eli had given her everything he had without a second thought – he had spent his time, energy, and a bit of sanity looking for her in the woods, and tossed everything aside to make her as comfortable as possible once he brought her back to the cabin. And…here he was, sleeping on the cold, hard floor, as lying there with his lips slightly parted and his hair messily spread out. Clare kept her gaze on him as she headed back into the cabin's bedroom and grabbed the blanket that Eli had placed over her sleeping blanket. She then softly approached him, not wanting to wake up anyone else, a task in which she succeeded.

She kneeled beside him and softly smiled as she covered his body with the blanket, feeling him stir and snuggle into it without his eyes opening. She gently pushed his bangs out of his face and felt him stir even more, his slightly parted lips now coming together. She made sure that his entire body was covered by the warm blanket before she leaned further over him, and reasoning that he was deeply asleep, she smiled coyly and decided that she couldn't help herself any longer – so she leaned in and placed a gentle kiss not on his forehead, but directly on his lips, whispering,

"I'll never not be your girl, Eli," as she pulled away.

She watched a slow, pleased smirk spread across his face before his eyes shot open and before Clare knew what was happening, he had placed his hands on her lower back and he pulled her down to his level, settling her into an embrace as he whispered, "Busted, Edwards," and Clare blushed profusely when she realized that Eli, the sneaky little devil, had been rather awake and conscious all this time.

Eli watched her face turn a deep red before she burst out in excited giggles and he silenced her with a soft kiss that Clare kept going for as long as possible, moving her fingers to Eli's hair and even rewarding him with a soft breathless moan that she was sure would wake up everyone else.

However, everyone was fast asleep, allowing Eli to softly massage Clare's back as she started another series of deep kisses that sent both of their minds spinning with how…right these kisses felt. They made Eli feel like he would have all the time in the world with Clare, and they made Clare feel completely forgiven for everything that had happened, as she had realized that it had not all been Eli's fault. This was the best kiss of her life, she knew, because it held the promise of love and commitment that would not fade as soon as difficulties arose.

"Thought we were gonna take it slow and be friends…" Clare teased as she straddled Eli slowly, wrapping her legs around him as he slowly sat up.

Eli just flashed her a smug smirk and replied, "Oh, but we are, Edwards," his whispery voice breaking as Clare boldly placed a series of kisses to his neck, making Eli lose all train of thought.

She softly giggled and teased, "Continue," but Eli was only able to after she had pulled away, his entire body shivering and radiating a heat that Clare could feel.

"We are – gonna take it slow and be friends- this…this is just a dream. The _best _dream ever," Eli teased.

"Oh, this is a dream? Well, then, come inside the bedroom –" Clare whispered huskily, making Eli's eyes widen at once, but it only took him a second to rise to his feet and as Clare let out a delighted squeal, he lifted her up as well, carrying her to the bedroom and pushing the door shut with his leg.

Now that they were out of everyone's earshot, Clare's giggles got louder as Eli gently, but playfully, plopped her down on the bed and said,

"Just a dream? But it's no wedding night dream, Edwards," he sarcastically said in a stern tone, "so don't try to tempt me with your wicked ways," as Clare laughed in response, her entire body shivering as Eli rose up a little and scanned her entire body – all covered in his clothes.

Clare then saw him deeply breathe and say, "Wait, Clare. We shouldn't," and she felt disappointment overcome her at once.

"I don't mean…go too far, I just thought…I could kiss you, we could…just lie here together a bit, nothing else," she whispered, rising her head off the pillow and trying to reach for Eli's lips. When he backed away, her heart sank.

"I…we said we weren't gonna rush into this," Eli reminded her.

"And we're not. We're just gonna take…twenty minutes, and then we'll start what we promised," Clare mischievously said, "But we get twenty minutes as a free pass," Clare added with a grin as she reached up and kissed Eli's neck softly and silkily - without waiting for any permission on his part.

She felt his body softly collapse a little as a soft moan escaped him, and after a few seconds, she felt him regain control and his fingertips brushed the side of her T-shirt as their lips met over and again with patient love and sometimes not-so-patient desire.

"I love you, Eli," Clare whispered as she guided his hands under her T-shirt. She saw Eli's eyes widen – this was the first time that she was granting him this privilege.

"'I don't want to go too fast. We're both jumping out of our skin here, we should…maybe…I should go..." Eli confessed between laboured breathing.

"We're not going to do anything I'm uncomfortable with, trust me I know, but…Eli…take it off," Clare breathed, and when Eli still hesitated, she removed the T-shirt that she was wearing herself, still leaving her in her silk pink tank top.

She saw Eli smirk softly at her, and she heard him gasp in surprise when she boldly took his hands and guided them under the silky top and over her bare skin. Eli slowly lifted the silk top so that he could place a series of kisses on Clare's stomach as she alternated between softly moaning and at times giggling, but he never took it any further than that.

"God, Clare, you're so beautiful, I can't even…" Eli breathed as Clare was exploring under his black shirt while he was kissing her neck playfully. Clare could feel his every muscle contract and the beat of his heart was pounding so loudly that she was afraid he would go into cardiac arrest any second now.

After a few more minutes of being happily lost in each other, Clare felt Eli's hands softly stroke her sides, and she intertwined her fingers with his and gently brought his hands higher, placing them over her chest as she lost control of almost all of her senses and she tossed her head back, softly moaning Eli's name.

Eli's every movement was making her entire body tingle with a poignant electricity – he stayed over the fabric at all times, but it was so thin and silky that his every massaging and circling motion was transferred intensely to her skin, soon raising goose bumps over her entire body.

Eli noticed this and he slowly kissed them away, resuming his massaging of her chest once they disappeared, and bringing his lips on top of the fabric, taking his time in making sure Clare was comfortable and that he was doing everything that she wanted him to in order to make her feel loved. Although all their were sharing were deep kisses and soft, patient touches, it meant the world to both of them, and neither wanted to mention the fact that it had probably already been longer than twenty minutes.

"Oh my God, Clare…." Eli breathlessly said as he concentrated his attention on placing a series of butterfly kisses across from one shoulder to another, making her entire body arch.

"There's…so much that I long to do to you," he confessed between erratic breaths and a flushed face.

"Like what?" Clare teased him by saying in an innocent tone and Eli softly groaned in response.

"Like…I want to make you close your eyes," he whispered, connecting his lips to her neck and teasing her skin as Clare's upper body arched even higher. She then softly moaned as she indeed closed her eyes, and they only fluttered open after a few seconds following a complete lack of contact from Eli's lips, feeling only his soft strokes of her arms.

"And I want to…" Eli continued, softly kissing Clare's forehead before he continued, "I want to…honour you," moving to her lips before saying, "and…comfort you," making Clare smile softly as he moved down to her neck again and whispered, "and…keep you," then advancing to her stomach and lifting her tank top ever so slightly and placing a soft kiss just above her bellybutton, afterwards saying, "and love you until time do-…I mean, for as long as you want me to," and raising his body a little along Clare's body so he could look into her eyes.

They were shining with a film of tears as she uttered, "I love you too, Eli".

Eli then took a deep breath, pulled her satin tank top back down her body, plopped down on the bed by Clare's side and helped her draw the blanket over her body, the cold morning air hitting her at once she no longer had the heat of Eli's body over her.

"You okay?" he asked, concern in his voice as he watched her try to steady her breathing.

"You … are…breathing just as hard," Clare pointed out with a giggle.

"I can't help it. Seeing you close your eyes like that…it's just…so sexy," Eli confessed.

"Well, those kisses were…it was…" Clare struggled to find her words.

"Too fast? A mistake?" Eli whispered in horror.

"No," Clare categorically said, and she saw Eli relax at once. "The word I was looking for is…it was _heavenly_," Clare said with many giggles after her declaration.

"We were bad – this twenty-minute thing…we cheated on our plan," Eli said with a few laughs.

"We did, but we deserved it. We've been through a lot, and God, I just wanted to kiss you so bad," Clare said as she turned to her side to face him.

"Oh, I wanted to kiss you too – trust me. But now I…I should go. Let you get your sleep," Eli said, and he collected his powers to get up off the bed. As he tucked Clare for the second time tonight, he whispered,

"We…we need to be good from now on. I don't…I don't do friends with benefits," making Clare give him a soft smile at once. Eli was…so different, she knew, and she loved it.

"I know. We'll figure it out. I…this wasn't just meaningless kisses," Clare pointed out.

"Oh, trust me, I know," Eli said, and Clare remembered…the vows that he had recited to her just a few seconds earlier.

"My mom and Glen…they took about three weeks to find themselves again," Clare supplied.

"Okay. But do me a favour and don't go out on some date with some other guy while we are in our friend stage," Eli burst out.

"Eli…" Clare softly breathed, feeling slightly guilty. Going by past precedent…it was a logical concern for him to express, she knew.

"Yeah?" he whispered as he kneeled beside her bed, adjusting her blanket perfectly.

"Don't you see? I'll never not be your girl. I'm…only yours," Clare said softly, pulling him in so she could gently kiss his cheek.

"Clare…I've always loved you and only you," Eli confessed in a whisper before he placed a kiss on her forehead and told her to rest for the drive that she had in the morning.

Clare didn't care that she had to be sandwiched between Alli and Jake on the way back – she didn't even spare them a single glance. She wanted to tell her mom that she had found her reliable love as well, and she wanted to stay up all night with her mom, eating ice cream sandwiches in her room and watching girly movies – she knew Glen wouldn't mind, and indeed, he understood.

Helen, for one, patiently listened to her daughter, and told her how happy she was that Eli had found himself again and that…Clare didn't repeat the grave mistake that she had made in her own youth. Helen knew all she needed to know about Eli since the morning that he had come over with his dad and looked her straight into her eyes and said Clare was his best friend, but when she heard how Eli had looked after Clare's happiness and well-being after getting himself sorted, her beliefs were further confirmed. Helen approved of Clare and Eli's plan of taking things slow and finding their friendship once again, though in her mind she didn't give them longer than three weeks, being very familiar with how Clare would feel from what she had experienced when her own reliable love had returned to her.

In the end, it was the longest twenty days that Clare and Eli had both been through – Clare feeling like she was slowly being driven insane while Eli's mind was only preoccupied by one thing whenever he was in her presence – getting her to kiss him. But on day twenty, Eli had approached her with two tickets to the first dance of the school year. He leaned against Clare's locker as he looked right in the eye and confidently asked,

"So, do I get the pleasure of having _my girlfriend_ come with me to the first dance of the year?"

Clare answered him with a kiss that took him by immediate surprise and caused a nearby Adam to playfully pretend that he was about to throw up – but the smile on his face told both Eli and Clare how he felt at seeing his two best friends properly reunited.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

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